For fuck's sake I'M STARVING!
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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in
Terri Schiavo's LiveJournal:
| Sunday, April 3rd, 2005 | | 7:44 pm |
| | Saturday, April 2nd, 2005 | | 3:04 pm |
OMG I'M UPDATING FROM THE AFTERLIFE!
As you might've guessed, I am MEGA pissed that my money-grubbing husband Michael yanked my tube and let me shrivel up. So GUESS WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING SINCE I CROAKED! I have been haunting the vagina of Michael's homewrecking girlfriend! HAHA, oh man, she has just been scratching non-stop, and last night, he went down on her, and there was my face saying "FEED ME, SEYMOUR!" OMFG you should have seen the way he jumped back and screamed like a girl!!! It was soooo funny! Ok, back to Hell. Pee Ess! HOLY CRAP THE POPE IS HERE! | | Thursday, March 31st, 2005 | | 12:35 pm |
Doing just fine, thanks!
Good news, folks! I'm doing okay! Some nurse hooked me back up to my Slushee machine and gave me some Twizzlers! I'm SO not really dead! APRIL FOOLS! Ok, so it's not April YET, but still! HAHAHAHA!! Oh shit, I got you a good one, livejournal! I really am dead, and UH OH, I think I'm in H-E-L-L.. Don't worry, though. I'll be back in three days, just like Jesus! | | 6:10 am |
He's still stuck in my throathole.
When the priest came in to give me last rites, I was all like, “WTF, mate? I’m still alive behind this fleshy cage!” It came out something like “uhhhh fffphffa chmmkp.” To which the priest responded by forcing the body of Christ in mint-like wafer form into my mouth. Look, I’m sure at least some of you have seen the photos, my mouth doesn’t close, it just hangs there all open and saggy like old tits; a veritable Christ-body deathtrap. I totally went into convulsions after transubstantiation had already occurred (critical mass in Catholic/communion speak) and there were little specks of Christ goodness everywhere. I really needed His blood to clear out my throathole but the priest wised up, the old fraud gave me just a drop. I guess that means I'm saved, LOL. Somebody please bring me some goulash. | | Wednesday, March 30th, 2005 | | 12:56 pm |
Garble garble.
I remember back in high school where I went into the bathroom at prom and made myself pretty. Man, if only I could go back in time and get you peeps to give me a swirly, hepatitis aside, that’d be a nutritious meal. If we threw a ham in there it’d taste just like a Hot Pocket, except, you know, cold. To the man/kid who tried to sneak me some bread and water; what the fuck? I’m fucking dying here and you bring me symbols? I want fried dough and green curry mashed up nice and in the tube. | | Monday, March 28th, 2005 | | 8:02 pm |
| | Sunday, March 27th, 2005 | | 12:57 pm |
Wow, Today is Easter! This is my favorite holiday, and I just LOVE watching The Passion of the Christ over and over. Jesus is so damn hot LOL! Forgive them Lord, they know not what they do! I like the day AFTER Easter even better, because that's when the candy goes on sale. If you happen to have extra marshmallow Peeps lying around, do me a favor and dissolve them in Mountain Dew and send them my way! | | Saturday, March 19th, 2005 | | 10:25 am |
Can someone PLEASE blend me up some Fritos? Seriously. I promise not to purge, LOL! OMG, wouldn't it be gross if I vommed out of my throathole? At least the stomach acid wouldn't mess up my teeth. | | 8:24 am |
Wow, did you see Tom DeLay stick up for me on the TV yesterday? What a mensch that guy is! He knows I'm not just a vegetable. He knows there's a soul in here! Man, what I wouldn't give for a moonpie and an Orange Fanta right about now. LOL! | | Friday, March 18th, 2005 | | 11:51 pm |
Once upon a time, I was bulimic. Don't you find it ironic that I look like kind of a fattie now? LOLOLZ!!! Man, I'm really hungry. |
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